KJ from ArmChair Detectives and Missing In Maine on Facebook wrote a very thought provoking post today and I asked if I could share it and she graciously said yes. I think everyone needs to see it and figure out which group you want to be in.
I try to predominately stay in the first group but I do periodically digress to the third group from time to time when my emotions get the best of me. I am not proud of it but I do and I am glad KJ posted this today because it made me aware of it and I am going to make a conscious effort not to do that anymore. I hope you all will do the same.
I often sit here and read the comments and post made by people and shake my head back and forth in wonder. What were they thinking? Or should I say were they even thinking? There are pages, blogs and groups for Ayla. Each page, blog or group is owned and operated by the person who opened them. Everyone who joins or participates does so by choice. No person is dragged to a group, a page or a blog and forced to read or respond.
Now, that makes me wonder. Why would people who obviously do not like certain other people, go to pages where they are and make mean comments? My observations and experiences throughout the last four months have taught me some interesting behavior patterns of certain individuals. As I see it, there are three main types of individuals who participate on these pages, blogs and groups. The three groups are, the people that want no trouble, the people that are no trouble and the people who start trouble.
The first group (the people who want no trouble) are those who truly want to do what they can to help find Ayla. They pray, they make pens, posters, business cards, flyers, images, billboards, blogs, pages and other things to help keep Ayla's name and story in the public eye. They talk about her with others and they generally hope for the best outcome for Ayla. These people vary in their beliefs, some believe that Justin and his family have done something bad to Ayla. Some of these in this group believe that Justin and his family have done nothing to hurt Ayla. They separate themselves by pages and groups, even blogs. But they have a common thread in that they truly want Ayla to be well and found. They want justice for Ayla. They freely do what they can.
The second group of people are the silent majority (the people who are no trouble). Those are the ones who are curious about Ayla and what happened. They read the news, the blogs, pages and groups but do not participate. They have probably formed opinions on everyone they see commenting and they are probably pretty close to accurate, too.
The third group (the people who start trouble) are the people who probably care about Ayla, but would rather spend their idle hours harassing, trashing and bashing the first group. They enjoy visiting the blogs, pages and groups and pointing out your flaws. If you spell something wrong, they won't miss it. If you do something that might help Ayla, they will be quick to ask if you are making a buck on it! They will like your comment if you agree with their agenda, or if you are nice to the people they like, but they will call you names if you happen to be nice to someone that they believe is a bad person. They will also try to tell the blog, page and group owners how to run their pages and what their pages are "for". Interesting, one day you are liked by them and the next you are lower than the scum of the earth. And they don't mind telling everyone they see about how terrible you are.
You will note that I grouped the Trista supporters and the Justin supporter in the same group, the first group. Which may puzzle some of you. But truly, they are the same. Both are trying to keep Ayla in the media eye and in the public. Both feel strongly that the family they support did nothing wrong. The first group is not troublesome. The reason they are not troublesome is that they really do not care about what others think. They are strong in their own opinion, but agree that everyone has the right to an opinion. They are not looking to start trouble, nor do they want any trouble. Strange isn't it? And it is worth repeating. The first group, which includes the Justin supporters and the Trista supporters, is not a problem.
It doesn't need to be said, but I will say it, the second group is not a problem at all.
It's the third group that causes issues and they cause the issues on every page, every blog and every group. The one thing I will say about this third group of individuals is that they help no one. They really don't care to help, their purpose is to "pick at the wounds" and see who they can get to bleed. They will make comments that have nothing to do with the subject matter. Then they will be sure to tell you that you are most likely going to delete their comments. Why would they do that, because they are obviously smart enough to know exactly what their point is and that is to cause problems. The pages, blogs and groups where the third group of people do their "work" would be a sociologists and a psychiatrists "dream" playground. You will find every kind of behavior under the sun.
The only thing you should ask yourself is, which group do you fit in? - KJ